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Families of Divorce -- How to Survive the Holidays

Contributed by: Terry Marvin on 12/10/2007

For families of divorce the holidays can be a stressful time. Dealing with custody issues during this period can get downright "ugly." And, typically the children are the ones who suffer the most. With open communication and lots of planning, drama can be avoided. "The most important thing to remember is that children are people and not possessions," said Vernon L. Ellicott, family law specialist.

To ensure a smooth custody transition, both parties need to be flexible and communicate clearly with each other. Focus on celebrating the holidays and not on who has custody. Making sure the children can most enjoy the holidays is the top priority. Parties should not communicate through the children and more importantly, they should not seek revenge through the children against the other parent.

Remember, kids watch, listen and respond to your actions. If you are anxious about their visit to the other parent, they will react to this and could become anxious themselves. If in fact a child does become anxious, it is important to allow them to express their anxiety, especially younger children.

For the non-custodial parent, don't feel threatened when children want to talk about the custodial parent. Let them talk and by no means say anything derogatory about the other parent. Both parents need to send a consistent message to the children that the holidays are still a special and great time of year. With older kids, be available for them and include them in holiday traditions. While they may not require as much attention as younger kids, it is still very important to communicate with them during this time, making sure they are comfortable with the situation.

"The bottom line -- is families of divorce can survive the holidays by simply keeping the lines of communication open and putting the children's needs first," said Ellicott. "Parents should remember that kids are incredibly loving and are capable of loving more than one set of parents."

The Law Offices of Vernon L. Ellicott are located in Westlake Village and Valencia California. The firm provides a broad range of services in the areas of Family Law, Bankruptcy, Select Personal Injury Cases and Select Criminal Law Cases. For more information visit the Web site at www.vlelaw.com or call 805-446-6262.


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