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Life Prep 101 -- the class we wish we could take

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Contributed by: Families Counseling Center on 7/10/2007

by Deborah Tucker, MA, MFT

Wouldn't it be interesting if we prepared for the stages of our lives the same way we prepare for a new job, or class we want to take? Think about the various stages through which you have already been. What if you had known a little bit more about what was coming, and how to cope with it? Would you have made some different choices, maybe made fewer mistakes? If you had known then what you know now, would you have been able help those you love little more, or perhaps cause less hurt? It's an interesting concept.

Where would such a "Preparation for Life" course begin? Life goes through stages, and even as we pass through them, our children come along behind us, a concrete illustration of the circle of life. Erik Erikson described several stages, including infancy, childhood, adolescence, early adulthood, middle age, and old age. Let's pick a logical beginning place -- entry into adulthood. How many of our teens these days seem ready for adulthood? It seems to be a very common phenomenon for grown children to delay moving out until mid- to late twenties, or even longer. Is this only about economics, or is there also a sense of not being ready to be on their own -- even at ages when our parents, and probably ourselves, were "launched," married and starting families.

A "Preparation for Adulthood" course, targeted for high school junior and seniors, might focus on goal-setting, especially regarding education and career goals as they evolve throughout a lifetime. An important component would be teaching financial management skills -- how to properly use credit, tailor expenses to income, and the power of beginning to save early in life. Don't you wish you had begun sooner? Even more important would be how to develop a clear sense of one's values and emerging identity, and how to communicate about these to a potential future spouse. Think about the difference between "falling in love" versus "finding the person you can love for a lifetime."

Early in a couple's marriage, a course with a double emphasis on nurturing the relationship and preparing for children would perhaps avoid or at least lessen some of the stresses that often come up once the honeymoon is over. So many people today don't seem to understand that a relationship needs time, attention, and work to grow and stay strong. Getting a running start on these skills before children come along is vital. Obviously, a course in the basics of parenting infants, children and teens is probably essential.

A specialized course in preparing our children to become teenagers might also avoid much of the emotional upheaval that comes during this time. Sometimes we spend so much teaching the biology of sex ed that we forget to tell our kids about all the other changes that they will be going through -- bodies that change, emotions that run wild, insecurities, conflicts with friends, discomfort with family, etc., etc.

Perhaps even more important as parents end their thirties is a refresher course on marriage, with an emphasis on mid-life issues and how they torment us. It is so easy to take the issues we are struggling with --aging, giving up dreams, realizing our limitations -- and imagine that there is some "magic person" out there who will make us feel young again. How many marriages end at mid-life because one or both spouses don't realize that every relationship takes work, and that the pain of dealing with divorce is often far greater than the pain of working through the disappointments that we all feel at mid-life?

Learning to age well and confront the fact of our own and our loved ones' mortality is also vital. If we have learned to live well, paying attention to all the aspects of our lives, it is likely that we will be able to apply the same skills to the end of our lives. There is much to share with younger generations, and final preparations to be made in accordance with whatever our understanding is of what comes after death. As a culture, we seem to deny that old age really exists or that it's valuable. How foolish -- all the stages of life are important. We learn from them, and those around us benefit from that learning.

Preparation for Life 101 -- what grade would you get?

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Families Counseling Center

Simi Valley , CA

Families Counseling Center has posted 3 stories and 0 comments since joining on 5/12/2007. Families Counseling Center's average story rating is 4.5.

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