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Blog Entry 4 of 9 Annie's Mailbox - THE REAL ANSWERS

Don't you hate it when "experts" give people bad advice? When they cop out and say "Talk to a therapist"? Well, here is the straight-up, politically INcorrect advice that will save these poor people a trip to the therapist's office.

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Gambler husband lies, cheats and steals

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Contributed by: Dame von Fiess on 4/6/2007

Annie's Mailbox, March 3, 2007
"Should she divorce lying, cheating, gambler?"

Dear Annie: My husband, "Alfred," has been gambling for the last 10 years, and his habit is getting progressively worse. I have caught him numerous times, and each time he promises to quit, but then lapses. We have both gone for counseling, together and separately, but he feels he can control his problem. I insisted he go to Gamblers Anonymous meetings, and he did for about six months, but says he doesn't get anything out of the meetings. He is blind to his addiction.

Alfred has lost approximately $100,000 in the last 10 years, and I don't see his skills improving. He has even taken $60,000 out of his 401(k). Each time I catch him, he is contrite and says he won't gamble again. I have now restricted our savings accounts (his suggestion), so only I can withdraw money.

Alfred has lied, cheated and stolen money from me and our savings accounts, but still does not see how serious his problem is. He has opened up credit cards and borrowed money against them. He recently went to a high-interest loan company that charges him 119 percent for a short-term loan, and I've run out of patience.

I still love him. He has a lot of good qualities, and I also need him because I'm mildly disabled. Should I just cut the ties and get a divorce? Our children are grown, and I don't want him draining the last of our retirement money. - Gambler's Wife

ANNIE'S ANSWER:

Dear Gambler's Wife: First, put some of that retirement money where your husband can't reach it. He isn't ready for help yet, and we can't tell you if he ever will be. You, however, should contact Gam-Anon (gam-anon.org), for friends and relatives of gamblers.

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THE ANSWER SHOULD HAVE BEEN:

Dear Gambler's Wife: You asked, "Should I just cut the ties and get a divorce?"

YES. Time is of the essence, as this man shows no signs of stopping his thievery. Don't waste valuable time in therapy trying to learn about his addiction and how you can cope better. You can still love him and his many other good qualities outside of a financial relationship.

You need to cut all financial ties with this man, and his means getting a divorce. Demand that he repay your $50,000+ that he stole. Make sure it is stipulated in the divorce settlement.

The bottom line is, GET OUT NOW. You need him like you need a maxed-out balance on a 23-percent-interest MasterCard.

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