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Blog Entry 8 of 9 Annie's Mailbox - THE REAL ANSWERS

Don't you hate it when "experts" give people bad advice? When they cop out and say "Talk to a therapist"? Well, here is the straight-up, politically INcorrect advice that will save these poor people a trip to the therapist's office.

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Birth control always the woman's responsibility?

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Contributed by: Dame von Fiess on 4/29/2007

"He says NO to vasectomy"
Annie's Mailbox, April 20, 2007

Dear Annie: Several weeks ago, my husband and I found out we are pregnant with our third baby (kind of an "oops" baby). His first comment was, "I guess it's time for you to get your tubes tied." I was so stunned that I agreed, but after more thought and research, I asked him to get a vasectomy. He will not do it, that's it, end of story. He says I will be in the hospital anyway and that birth control is the woman's responsibility.

This isn't about convenience. It's about fairness and equality in our marriage. I was the one who assumed some risk in using the pill before our children were born, and I've carried and delivered two children. My body has been permanently changed. I think it's his turn to take one for the team.

He flatly refuses and won't discuss it. I've explained that a vasectomy is safe, effective and requires less recovery time than a tubal ligation, but he insists my facts are "skewed." I'm so disappointed to find out I'm married to someone who acted like he believed in equality in marriage, but obviously doesn't. He reads your column daily. Can you help? - Disappointed in Louisville, Ky.

ANNIE'S ANSWER:

Dear Louisville: Vasectomy is much less invasive than tubal ligation, and the recovery time is quicker. Most men who have had vasectomies say the discomfort is minor and the resulting freedom improves their sex lives. We agree that your husband should do his part, but he seems irrational on the subject, and if he feels forced to have a vasectomy, it can create other problems. You should not be forced into surgery, either. There are other methods of birth control, and we suggest you consider all options.

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THE ANSWER SHOULD HAVE BEEN:

Dear Louisville: It's frustrating to be in a "relationship between equals" and then be the only one permanently altering your body and risking your health with both childbirth, and birth control. Birth control is the responsibility of both parties.

Obviously this is an unequal trade. Are you being compensated in other ways for your huge contribution in this area? If not, can you arrange something going forward that will compensate you for your sacrifices and risk?

If not, then here is the simple answer: Your husband must wear condoms for the remainder of your fertile days, or get a vasectomy. Let him make the choice. Since he thinks birth control is only the woman's responsibility, this is how you, as a woman, can be responsible.

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Submitted By: Dame von Fiess

posted on 5/27/2007 @ 8:14:31 PM

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Men should not impregnate a woman against her will. Unless the man knows the woman wants a baby, he is responsible for not impregnating her. When a woman agrees to sex, it is not de facto an agreement to be impregnated by him.

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Submitted By: Danielle Love

posted on 5/12/2007 @ 4:44:30 AM

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Love your picture, great idea.

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Submitted By: Danielle Love

posted on 5/12/2007 @ 4:42:04 AM

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Correction ...Men take a much LESS active role in all physical consequence of sexual activity.

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Submitted By: Danielle Love

posted on 5/12/2007 @ 4:40:07 AM

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Yeah right Gustavus, powerlessness is the problem. Men take a much active role in all physical consequence of sexual activity. But when it comes to the old moral question it's the men running for office that boast the choice for us. Sperm is a very little part in making a baby. And most women have the scars and illnesses to prove it. Twenty to one women over men get auto-immune diseases after concieving. That's no choice.

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Submitted By: Gustavus Bernal

posted on 5/7/2007 @ 7:22:09 AM

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I am sorry but so long as having the baby is a womans choice, then all other responsibilities are your's. As men we have no say to a woman's choice to have a baby or not. We are held powerless and without a voice.

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CONTRIBUTOR INFO

Dame von Fiess

Ventura , CA

Dame von Fiess has posted 9 blog entries and 1 comment since joining on 4/2/2007. Dame von Fiess's average blog rating is 3.92.

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